This is one of my harder memories, mostly because I was aware almost the entire length of the surgery. I actually had the chance to see both of my boys, alive, moving, squirming, on the screen next to my head on the operating table.
What really stays with you is that it was so damn cold in there. I couldn't stop shivering, but I had to hold still as the doctor had to carefully ablate the each vein between them, inside my womb. Did I mention they had to "pop" into my belly. Yes, gross, pop into my abdomen. I was in no pain but I felt the pop for sure. My mental strength was all I had in those moments.
We were given 4 choices prior to the surgery when we met with the team. 1. abort the pregnancy.(they did not offer that at their clinic as they had the tools to try) This was not an option for us at all because we met our boys and we actually had a pretty decent chance to save them. TTTS surgery has come so far and genetically, there was nothing wrong. However, I can completely understand that this is a choice for some people, maybe their only choice. I know that decision is one that carries it's own pain 2. Cut the cord of one in order to give the other a shot - still not an option for us. 3. allow the TTTS to run it's course knowing that 98% chance both would die or 4. do the surgery- it was a no brainer for us.
The team at USC was incredible, I have nothing but amazing things to say about that group. They gave us the hope we needed at that point.
I can also say that in my heart, I gave it and the boys my everything. I know what sacrificial loves truly means.
