I was told (by someone very wise) that every time you allow yourself to grieve, to cry, weep, whatever it may be, you are "releasing some of that poison which is grief" which in return, removes that pain more and more each time and that allows peace, happiness, joy, better emotions to come back in.
When I returned home this weekend, I had to put away laundry etc. I opened the closet in my son's room to put away his toys, and there it is, staring me in the face: my reality. Time to release a little poison.
I have had lots of kind people say to me, "you are so strong." I really appreciate that, I like to think I am, but I have lots of weak, weak moments that I feel make me stronger. I don't prescribe to old adage that if you don't show weakness or vulnerability, you are strong just because you appear to be ok on the outside. I have many fragile, feeble and delicate moments, I just accept them.
This image got me thinking, the term, you are "expecting" or you are "an expectant mother" is a tricky one, because by definition it means, "the state of thinking or hoping that something, especially something pleasant, will happen or be the case. " Expectancy does not equal "guaranteed", it's just an idiom.
I was expecting a healthy baby, I was expecting that everything would work out perfectly, but that is not life, that is not real. We sometimes make the term "assume" the synonym for "expectancy", we all "assume" it will work out. However, expectancy is not a bad word per say, it just needs to be held to it's truth, that it is really just "hope", and hope is a great concept to hold.
Many might wonder why I left these items out and why I would chose to look at them each day. I know for some that the might want to pack it all up and never look at it again, I completely get that! I don't look at them all the time. It's my choice to keep these baby items around because at first, I felt like I was "betraying" my babies, as if they didn't have a life, but they did. Now, I keep it out because it makes me feel there is room for more, because I am hopeful (expecting) that it will all be ok. Let it go. Let it go.
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