Dear Boys,
Today I received this text message from a very sweet, thoughtful and kind woman. She had provided me with prenatal massages before I knew of you, when the TTTS started to show up and cause me great pain in my back. Then, after we lost you Jude, she so kindly came to my home to provide me healing prenatal massage while pregnant with you, Quinton. Her gentle nature and genuine heart really helped me get through your loss Jude. She would listen to me, let me cry, she never judged. She loved our dogs and would play with them for me. She took their photos. We bonded quickly and she told me about her journey in life. She swam miles and miles every morning in the ocean to heal herself. I was amazed by her.
Quinton, after you passed too, I never had a chance to tell her. She had been so happy for me the last time we met; she was so encouraged by our good news at that time. In all my grief, I forgot to reach out to her and let her know. How do I do that? What do I say? I don't want her to feel badly, after all, she just cared to reach out. I am still not sure what I will say to her.
In these moments, when you turn your back on it for a time, these things slap you in the face. They hurt. They hurt really bad. It's no ones fault. Yet you have to feel them and process them. Cry. Vacuum your car? Then, ultimately, you have to make a choice whether to let it define you and your fear story. I know that my lesson from you is not to chose fear. This was a good day. I spent time with family, prepared your brother for Halloween and it rained! I did not need this to trigger a story that is one I don't believe.
"Life has no remote, you have to get up and change it" - Mark Cooper
Love,
Mommy
